Monday, February 11, 2013

Going back up the mountain.

"Until the day breaks
    and the shadows flee,
I will go to the mountain of myrrh
    and to the hill of incense"    Song of Songs 4:6

To be on the mountaintop with the Lord.  Doing His will, experiencing His presence, willing and able to do anything because you are your beloveds and He is yours.  Loving unconditionally, living unashamedly, pouring all you are into His kingdom and not ever wanting to stop.  Yes that is life on the mountain.  However as we know from geography the tops of the mountains seem to be the shortest and hardest to get to.  However the view is breathtaking and when you are up there looking down you understand more.  You can see so much more clearly and wow the things we can see when we are up there with the Lord.  Unfortunately, at least in my experience it doesn't seem to last very long.  Eventually, usually sooner rather than later I always end up back at the bottom of the mountain hanging out in the valley. And most of the time it isn't a slow descend down.  I just close my eyes and seem to roll off the hill right back down to the bottom.   Then i sit under the tree looking up thinking of how nice it would be to be back on top of the mountain again.  I mean who are we kidding, the valley isn't really that bad.  There is food and water, shelter, and you really don't have to work that hard.  You can just kinda hang out doing your own thing and not having to try.  Trying seems to bring failure in my life.  I work so hard at something, then fail at it, then sit around wallowing in my failures.  Just sitting at the bottom of the mountain feeling sorry for myself while the Lord reminds me of the top.  Reminding me that I didn't fail, because I tried.  Reminding me that even though He wants me on the mountain, He is still with me in the valley.  Sitting under the tree with me gently and lovingly convincing me that I can do it, it is worth it, and He will lead me.  Then I decide yet again He is right and knows what is best for me. So I begin the long trek back up the mountain.  At first it is so hard.  Dark and there is no accomplishments to look back on.  All you see is up and it seems so far away.  Then you look back again and realize you have gained a little ground.  The top is still so far away, but there is a little distant behind you and it seems you are going somewhere.  Then you look out and realize you can see a little clearer.  Not like from the top of the mountain, but the higher up you go the better it gets.  Then you look up and realize you are getting there, and that you really can do it.  You may stumble a little bit, fall a little, but good thing your climbing buddy is with you to keep you safe and pull you up when you lose footing.  Then you are there, at the top, doing His will and loving being back up there with your first love.  If you are anything like me  you will most likely end up back at the bottom of the mountain just chilling and not wanting to start the climb again.  This is where I have found myself these days.  However I know it is better to be in the water with my Jesus than in the boat without Him.  Which means where He goes I will go because that is where I long to be. So I will begin the long haul back up the mountain.  I will work to get to where my love wants me.  It will not be as easy as I would want.  It will take longer than I want.  I will stumble more than I want.  And I will rest more than I should, but I will at least start upward.  Even if I find myself circling the mountain at a very small incline I will still be going up.  So here I go.  I will need tons of prayer and encouragement.  Most importantly I will just need to keep my eyes on my beloved, knowing without a doubt and no matter where I am that His eyes are always on me.  And I will hear Him, 

"My beloved spoke and said to me,
    “Arise, my darling,
    my beautiful one, come with me."  Song of Songs 2:10

And I will go.

1 comment:

  1. YOU are amazing! YOU amaze me! Trying is success! Doing is success! Failure is success because you saw and conquered... and even when the ending is not happy, God uses it for YOUR good. Thank you for sharing your heart, and teaching me so much!