Thursday, June 14, 2012

Yay 6.

6 yrs ago tomorrow I was blessed with a beautiful daughter.  She was born on June 15, 2006 at 6:11pm.  She weighed 7 lbs. 3 oz.  and was 21 in. long. She had a full head of dark brown hair, and a huge set of dark brown eyes.  As I held her in my arms and looked at Nate and Conner I thought wow God,  look what You have given me.  I had more joy in that moment than a lifetime should allow.  And how I think back at that moment of joy and savior it for all it's worth.  How complete my family was.  As I look back now  I realize that God had given me more than a daughter that day,  He had given me a reason. I had no idea then what would be in store for our lives, but God did.  And in all of His great wisdom and mercy He gave my husband  and I a reason to live on that June 15, through some of the hardest days this life would give.

Liyah was a fabulous baby.  She was pretty much on the move from birth.  I remember not being able to get her to stay swaddled in the hospital and the nurse insisted she could do it.  Liyah wiggled free after about 5 seconds and the nurse was quite shocked.  She started crawling at 5 1/2 months and walking at 9.  It was crazy.  She laughed all the time and had such a curiosity for this world even as a tiny infant.  Her eyes were wide open and she picked up on everything.  (She still does,  we can't get nothing past this girl.)  She absolutely adored her big brother.  He could get her laughing harder than anyone else.  She stayed so tiny for so long.  I remember everywhere we went people would comment on how petite she was.  A lot of people told us she didn't even look real.  She definitely was and still is the most precious little girl.  Oh how I have enjoyed watching her grow these past 5 yrs.  She has filled our life with such happiness during such sorrow.  On days when I didn't think I could bare to go on, I would look at her face and it was all it took to get me through to the next moment.

So tonight, through tears I put my baby girl to bed for the last time ever as a 5 yr. old.  I am relieved for her that this year is over.  I know it was so terribly difficult for her and yet she handled it with such grace and enthusiasm.  She learned to read and write, how to comfort, how to let go, and how to accept some of lives most difficult circumstances.  She learned how to be a friend, how to pleat', and that the Lord does not always give us everything we want, but He will give us everything we need.  She wrote her first bible verse, took her first piano lesson, and grew her first flower.  This past year has taken so much from us, yet also given us so much too.  It has taken our 11 yr. old son, yet has gave us an opportunity to watch the most beautiful 5 yr. old grow into the most beautiful 6 yr. old ever.  As I go to sleep tonight I can't help but praise God for what He has given us in our precious little girl, and also anticipate the joy a 6 yr. old daughter will bring to our lives.  Yay to 6!!!

Friday, June 8, 2012

The truth hurts

It is with a very heavy and burdened heart that I write this post today.  A heart burdened for people, grieving mothers especially.  There are a lot of people who may not like this post, or agree with it.  Especially those who do not believe every word in the bible to be truth.  I would really like you to see my heart in what I am going to share.  I want you to imagine for just one second believing something to the core of who you are.  Believing with out a doubt in something that is real and permanent.  This is how I feel about the bible.  I believe that the words in that book were breathed by the power of the Holy Spirit and that every single word, whether I like it or not is the absolute truth.  After all in His word God says that He is not a man that He should lie (Numbers 23:19).  So I beg you to please hear my heart and try to understand why this is truly something that hurts my heart to it's core.  Something that people don't like to talk about, or want to believe, but it is the truth.  So here it is.


Matthew 10:28And do not fear those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. But rather fear Him who is able to destroy both soul and body in hell.

John 14:1-4
 “Let not your heart be troubled; you believe in God, believe also in Me. In My Father’s house are many mansions;[a] if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you.[b] And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and receive you to Myself; that where I am, thereyou may be also. And where I go you know, and the way you know.”

So yes I believe heaven and hell are places and that accepting Jesus as your Lord and Savior is the only way to enter into the Kingdom of Heaven.  I also believe if you do not accept the free gift of Jesus then you will be banished to hell for all eternity where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth (Matt. 8:12)  I don't believe that whether you are good or bad has anything to do with where you will end up.  You can be the greatest servant in the world, but that means nothing to God.  In fact He says our works are like bloody rags before Him (Isaiah 64:6), so they mean absolutely nothing.  The only thing God looks at is where our heart is with His Son.  And not everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will enter (Matt. 7:21).  It is also hard to enter into heaven, and not many will be let in (Matt. 7:13-14).  

I also believe there is an enemy who is like a roaring lion seeking whom he can devour (1 Peter 5:8).  I believe that the enemy is so awful that he will use the worst things someone can go through in this life and use it to advance his purpose in this world which is to steal, kill, and destroy (John 10:10).  He does not care that your child died and you are searching for answers to questions that you may never get answered.  He will tell you he has the answers. But he does not.  The answers lie in the bible and the truth that is Jesus.  I long for my child every day.  To hold him in my arms and see his smile.  But I know with everything that I am that the only way to my child is with Jesus.  There is no other connection to me and him now other than Jesus.  I wish he was in the wind, and the trees.  I wish I could feel his presence, and go somewhere and have someone talk to him and then tell me what he says or what he is doing.  I wish his spirit would visit me and comfort me.  But the reality is this is not the case.  It is a lie from the enemy trying to separate you from your child for eternity.  And not just your child, but from the One who made a way for you to be with your child again.  I am not ok with my child not being here with me, but I am not God and His ways and thought are higher than mine (Isaiah 55:9).  I am however very grateful to a God who loved me enough to make a way for me through His son Jesus (John 3:16), to be with my child again.  I want to spend my life here loving Jesus, so that i can spend my life for eternity loving my sweet sweet boy and Jesus in heaven.

So there it is.  Please understand, I am in no way trying to condemn, or judge, or put you down in any way, if you believe different than I do.  I just want you to see why it is so important for me to share the name of Jesus, especially to grieving mothers.  And who knows, maybe when I die, I will find that what I believed to be truer than true was actually just a lie.  I am ok with that.  But what if what I believe is right?  Are you ok with that?

I love you all and pray for God's mercy and grace to be upon you all.  Especially those of you who are in a time of deep misery and sorrow, such as myself.